Looking for motivation

I am lucky. I have to continue to be grateful. At 2:50pm last Monday, my family and friends were a block and a half away from the horrific explosions. I was 3 miles away at the time. The chaos, confusion and sense of fear that ensued when I reached 25.5 miles were nothing compared to the physical and emotional pain of the victims, runners, spectators, first responders and volunteers who were on Bolyston at 2:50pm. And yet, I am still shaken and so sad. Since getting back to Boston on Sunday afternoon, I’ve felt like I’m going through the motions-almost sitting back and watching someone else live by life. This sounds dramatic I know, but go with me for a moment.

Going to mass at BC was amazing, uncharacteristic of me, but so calming and gave me a sense of support now that I’m back from being home with family. Walking into work on Monday, I started shaking with anxiety. I don’t know why, I love my school, love my coworkers, love the kids. It was a rocky day for me, but the hugs, smiles and support I received from friends and coworkers made a world of difference. 

I’m moving in the direction of my “normal life”, but I know it is still a little while away. I need time. Boston needs time. The tragedy,  and sadness endures, but as time goes on images of people coming together, stories of people doing whatever they can to help others help. Reading the story of a victim, who immediately after losing her leg decided that she wants to run the Boston Marathon for the first time next year, inspires me. Getting back into running myself a few times last week at home, helped. My amazing friend who tolerated my slower, recovery pace, helped. And my run tomorrow will help–as will the spectacular weather that is forecasted.  Living in this amazing city, being surrounded by brave, determined, selfless people helps. Bostonians are strong-don’t mess with ’em.

While I’m not sure I’m worthy of the “Bostonian” title yet, 6 years of living here means this place is a part of me. And a big part. Boston Strong. And a little Boston sunshine from a warmer day than today…

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